Something Stinks

  GRATITUDE. Don't we love that concept? When we are "#blessed" and life is flowing or something is just so indulgently satisfying? "So grateful today! #PSL #AutumnLeaves" and we go on with our day.

   I used to complain about the weather every. single. day. That's ridiculous considering I lived in the San Francisco Bay Area where it's perfect year round. I cringe whenever I think about all the wasted words. One day I realized how petty and life-sucking it was to let something entirely out of my control affect me so negatively so I just quit. Cold turkey. I decided it was a waste of me, as a human, so I quit.

   About a decade later I started to look at the amount of misery I allowed in my life. I was never where I wanted to be. I never had everything I wanted. I obsessed over the amount of my debt instead of putting that energy into changing my financial status. I ridiculed others who came from privilege and had been given things I couldn't even earn. This fed my preexisting insecurities and inferiority complex. It was an awful way to live. That's not to say I didn't enjoy things, I did. I loved a lot of things about my life but this stinky rotten game of comparison and seeking outward satisfaction permeated every aspect of it. Here's the thing about me, I'm a problem solver. I want life to be great and I need everything to be honest and open and flowing in love and peace or else I short circuit. I knew I had allowed misery into my life and it was draining me. I knew certain things were out of my control yet I let them define my joy. I didn't want to be that person anymore. The vision I had of myself in 30 years was not of a bitter failure. After I realized how much of my life I was soiling just like I had done so many years before I decided to quit. "Just shut up" I told myself. I exchanged every complaint for a simple "Thank you".

   "Thank you for my kids. Thank you for my car. Thank you that I live in America. Thank you for my health. Thank you for Mexican food (AMEN!). Thank you for my life." In any moment there are AT LEAST 3(million) things you can be thankful for. Your car breaks down in a thunder storm? Thank you for a memorable story to tell! Running water, digital photography, mountain air, oak trees, anything that eats spiders/rats/snakes, Tom Brady, toilet paper....OK! There's always something.

   How much have you been given? What strengths do you have? What are your abilities? What have you been saved from? Focusing on these things will change everything. Every moment of every day there is a reason you are here. There is something for you that is bigger than finally being able to afford a "proper adult wardrobe" but you're not gonna see it when you're focusing on all the little tiny trinkets. You are not defined by what surrounds you, what you achieve, what you weigh, what you wear. You are defined by what was placed in you the moment you came into existence. This/that/him/her.... none of it matters because none of it is you. Now what do you have to be grateful for?

Thank you that I am me and that I love to laugh. Thank you that my children are healthy. Thank you that my eyes are open. Thank you that I am not a slave to the shallow desires of Earth.

So what is it? Why are you here?

I am SO thankful for you, a human being willing to read this. I am so thankful for this outlet.

love and blessings,

Diana